


Please God, Be Kind

by WAWritings



Series: End of the Line [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Mild Sexual Content, PTSD, Sad people just trying to make their way in the world, Some Suicidal Behavior, brief mentions of blood and gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 23:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12828603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WAWritings/pseuds/WAWritings
Summary: You were their medic. Through all of it. All the blood. All the gore. All the suffering. You were there for all of it. But then again you had always been there, right by Frank’s side. You had been there when Frank had broken his first bone in the fourth grade. You had been there when his first girlfriend had busted the windows of his car. You had stood next to him at his wedding, Maria had looked so beautiful. Lisa and Frank Jr. were your god children, both of them spitting images of their parents. The house you bought after your first deployment was directly next to theirs.





	Please God, Be Kind

                You were their medic. Through all of it. All the blood. All the gore. All the suffering. You were there for all of it. But then again you had always been there, right by Frank’s side. You had been there when Frank had broken his first bone in the fourth grade. You had been there when his first girlfriend had busted the windows of his car. You had stood next to him at his wedding, Maria had looked so beautiful. Lisa and Frank Jr. were your god children, both of them spitting images of their parents. The house you bought after your first deployment was directly next to theirs. Once Frank had been place in his new squad, he had mentioned…politely to the higher ups that you be a good addition to the team. Your special ability earned you your place and your combat skills and medical knowledge solidified it. It had been perfect at first, being back with your family. Now it was all shit. It was shit orders. It was shit situations. At least there was Frank and Billy. The two of them were the high points during your day.

     It was rare to get any down time. But apparently the universe decided your unit deserved a little bit of freedom. It was mid-morning. You, Frank, and Billy were lounging around and just enjoying some of the rare quiet. _The broken heart. You think you will die, but you just keep living, day after day after terrible day._

     “Are you telling me you’ve never been to a strip club?” Billy sputtered out. Rolling your eyes, you sat down the copy of Great Expectations you were reading. It had been a favorite since childhood. It was rare to find simple comforts anymore.

     “No Billy, I really haven’t.” You sat up and glanced over at Frank who had an absolutely dumb grin on his face. The man never passed up a chance to make you feel slightly bashful, something Billy had picked up on far too quickly. The two of them together were nearly unbearable. “I joined the military right out of high school and I never really got interested in all of that until I was much older,” You told him. Billy laughed, a warm a gentle sound. It was in the quiet moment when there was no gunfire or mortars rattling the earth that they both looked their age. You on the other hand looked young and small in comparison, the only woman in your unit. The men close to you were respectful but still treated you different. Frank at least had the balls to let you fight your own battles and hit you just as hard as the boys. Billy tried but wasn’t quite as successful.

     “Well that didn’t stop you from giving Tommy Hanes a lap dance the last time we were on leave. Bill you should have seen her,” Frank stated with a shit eating grin on his face. You could always count on him not to pull his punches. “Dressed in a pretty little lace number and moving to the music like a pro. Your face when I walked in-priceless.” Whipping around you launched yourself off your cot and onto his chest. Pillow raise, you beat him with it.

     “Now that is a sight I would have loved to have seen,” Billy laughed loudly and you groaned. Frank grinned and shoved you off of him, landing roughly on the floor. Billy peered over the edge of the cot at you.

“Laugh it up Russo. I could absolutely destroy you. Frank, just remember I talk to your wife once a week,” The threat made both men laugh. You might be living in hell on earth but at least you had them.   

___________________________________________________

     “Listen here you cunt,” You growled at the woman standing before you. She reminded you of a snake, eyes narrowed and lips pulled into a tight line. The expensive suit she wore did nothing but add to the impression with its shade of dark green. Reyes looked at you like you were a something to be stepped on or rolled over. “Where the hell is Frank?” You snarled and looked the cold woman in the eyes. The Reyes leaned back looking you over. She stood nearly five inches taller than you, doing what everyone did at first. Look down at you and sneer.

     “Frank Castle is in this exact hospital,” Ms. Reyes spoke evenly, “With a gunshot wound to the head,” she explained and watched as you stood with agonizing care.

“You think I am not aware of that. I was there.” The bullets from three separate guns had shredded your body. It had been days since the incident and you hadn’t seen a single face other than Reyes and her goons. The funny thing was, that she was supposed to be justice. And you had the distinct impression that you wouldn’t be getting any. You were left to mourn the loss of one of your best friends and her children in silence. No one would say a damn word about Frank. At one point the staff of the hospital had to sedate you to keep you from breaking out of the room. Now you were just pissed. You had the fury of a thousand suns and not a single fuck to give. There was nothing left to lose. What was Reyes going to do, arrest you?

     “Take me to him,” You demanded. Reyes adjusted and squared her shoulders. In that moment she looked like a child trying to square up against a mountain. If there was one thing that you were known for it was blatant stubbornness. You were already ready for a fight when she spoke.

     “No,” She stated, “Mr. Castle is intensive care and the subject of a gang shooting. We cannot permit him any visitors.” Lip curling in disgust, you advanced on her in slow movements. The pain shooting up your side and back stung like a bitch. It felt like there was a thousand needles stirring in your lungs.

     “Quite frankly Ms. Reyes you and I both know that is bullshit. As Frank’s medical power of attorney, I have the authority to make his medical decision should he or Maria be unable to. So far not a single staff member has asked for my input and I am pretty sure that a gunshot wound to the head requires quite a bit of treatment, considering that I am in fact a doctor. You must think me either too stupid or too traumatized not to question you but I am. And I am about two seconds of putting you in a bed right next to his. Take me to him!” You seethed at her. Those cold eyes narrowed once again.

     By the time you were wheeled to his room Frank Castle had been pronounced dead and you had never felt more empty.

___________________________________________________

     “Get in the tub,” Billy said and stood over you, dark eyes studying your hunkered form. It had been two months, two impossible months. It felt like there was something missing. It was like all of the joy that once filled your home was gone. All the love and compassion you once exuded had been frozen out of you.

     “I can’t,” You murmured. It had been days since your last shower or since Billy had heard from you. The man had let himself in and had started a bath as soon as he got in. At one point in time the two of you had been something. You had both been Frank’s best friends. You had both been god parents. You had both been dancing around a relationship for almost a decade. And now what were you?

     Yanking off the covers, Billy hoisted you over his shoulder. Fight or flight kicked in and you screamed and struggled against his hold. You pitched and utter fit as he made his way to the bathroom. Once in, Billy unceremoniously dumped you on the cold tile floor and knelt down. Everything felt raw and wrong. Like you were burning with cold fire.

     “Are you done?” He asked, breathing hard. You turned away from him to stare at the olive walls in defiance. Long fingers gripped your chin and forced you to look at him. There was something in his eyes, dark and unfamiliar. “Are. You. Done?” He gritted out. Standing you tried to shove past him, an arm wrapped around you and sent you stumbling back into the water. Resurfacing, you gasped and pushed wet hair out of your eyes. Furious, you looked up at Billy.

     “Is there any point in fighting me now? You’re already all wet.” The man had a point but you were petty. For a brief moment there was silence. Tears started prickling at the corner of your eyes as you looked up at Billy. Kneeling down once more, he shed the jacket he was wearing and rolled up his sleeves. “Let me help you out of your clothes, I know you’re still sore.” You choked on a sob and lifted your arms above your head. The wet tee-shirt went over your head and Billy tossed it over his shoulder carelessly. Then came the loose pajama bottoms you had been wearing for days. They met the same fate as the shirt. It wasn’t Billy’s first time seeing you naked. The desert left little room for privacy. It was however the first time he was seeing you naked in such an intimate setting. Every old scar and fresh wound felt like a soft spot for him to study and abuse. Instead gentle fingers caressed your cheek.

     “Let me help you,” He said and his familiar voice was what finally released the pressure that had been building and building over the past few weeks. Sobs wracked your body, covering your face with your hands you let all the pain seep out. Gentle hands ran over and through your hair.

     “I’m sorry,” You choked out and looked at him. Reaching across you, Billy grabbed the soap from the other side of the tub. Reaching into the water he gripped your hand tightly.

     “I know”

     The two of you stayed like that for a while. Billy ran the soap over your body, hands gentle. Then he scrubbed you clean, rubbing the skin red. As if he could erase all the blood you had been drenched in when he arrived at the hospital. He was both yours and Frank’s emergency contact after Maria. He had been there as you struggled to breathe through the blood and choked sobs. You could remember the look on his face as the doctors wheeled you away. You never stopped reaching out for him in hopes that he could take the pain away. The blood was all but gone, just a memory. It had been months. That didn’t seem to stop him from trying. Then came your hair. Dunking your head under the water, the silence became more and more appealing. Those hands lifted you out of the water. Long fingers rubbed shampoo in your oily hair and then Billy repeated the action with conditioner. It was the only kindness, the only gentleness you had been shown in weeks.

     “I-” You tried to speak, voice catching at the back of your throat. “We were at the carousal, like always. The picnic. Frank had been insisting I come with them. You know I had been struggling since our last deployment. Said it would do me good to get out of the house.” You couldn’t look at Billy. It would be too much. No one had wanted to say it but you had very clearly exhibiting symptoms of PTSD, on top of everything else you had already been depressed. Frank had insisted that some time with Maria and the kids would be good for you. Lisa had been all smiles, leading you around the park. Maria followed behind, watching everything like she always did; she was damn observant. And Frank had been somewhere in the background laughing, watching you play like a child.

     “Which direction did the gunshots come from?” Billy asked and suddenly it was easier to disassociate. Just like a mission debrief. The taste of the beer you had been drinking and smell of the grass were so vivid.

     “The footsteps came from behind me, so they were coming towards Frank. The funny thing is, neither one of us reacted. Lisa was talking about school, she was the best at science this year; talked about bein’ a doctor someday. The first gunshot came from the front. It hit me here.” You pressed your fingertips to the new scar near your collar bone. What was puzzling was why that specific bullet had been from a M40 rifle; it was what Marine snipers used. It was possible that one of the gangs had gotten their hands on military weapons but it just smelled wrong. It was a detail that you kept to yourself. Pursing your lips, you refocused and took a deep breath. “Then it became a fire fight. Lisa was hit next, one to the temple and two to the back of her skull, all from different guns. Frank grabbed her…wrapped her up in his arms. The look on his face…I went for Frank Jr. shielded him with my body. Frank got shot.” Your fingers traced near your temple. Frank had gone down fast. The scream you had let out had was rising back into your throat. Billy tipped your head and forced you to look at him.

     “You couldn’t have saved them,” He assured you. A bitter smile ran across your face before you could stop it.

     “I couldn’t save them, but I was able to take their pain,” Your ability was so simple. With a single touch you could steal pain numbing anyone to whatever was causing it. Frank Jr. hadn’t felt a thing as he bled into the grass. “They fired two rounds that went through me and into Frank Jr... Maria was the last to go. Billy, the blood was spilling out of her. They hit her so many damn times. She died choking on her own blood,” Billy didn’t say anything, instead helped you rinse the conditioner out of your hair and then pulled the stopper. On shaky legs you stood, everything felt worse, like you were bleeding again.

     With extreme care Billy ran a towel over your skin and helped you back to the bedroom. Pulling open drawer you slid on a pair of shorts, not even bothering with underwear. A tank top came next, the fabric smelled like lavender and jasmine. Sliding under the covers, you heard Billy kick off his shoes. Scooting over you made room. He had always been silent on his feet like a shadow. Sliding in next to you, he  sighed deeply. It wasn’t that either of you couldn’t find the words. It was that there was both too much and nothing at all to say. You wanted to scream out words that were caught at the back of your throat. Billy didn’t want to say a damn thing. Leaning across the bed he opened up your bedside table.

     “I knew you’d have tequila in here,” He snorted and he seemed younger. The two of you had always been drinking buddies. “Now drink and tell me stories you were always scared to tell about Frank.” Frank had been your best friend since you were six. The stories you could tell. Chugging as much tequila as you could manage, you passed the bottle and rested your head on Billy’s shoulder. The harsh liquid stung your throat.

     “Did he ever tell you about the time I got my ass handed to me by a nun because Frank set our classroom on fire?” You asked, the burn of liquor heated and pooled in your belly. Billy laughed softly.

     “Good old Frank, he would never. Such a good Catholic boy.” Rolling your eyes you curled into Billy’s side, breathing in his scent and told your stories. The words came easy, they felt sweet on your tongue. It was a stark contrast against the tequila. It was the best you’d felt in weeks.

___________________________________________________

     It was dark outside when you’d killed the bottle with Billy. The two of you had slid farther down in the bed, your head rested on his chest. The gentle hands that had been touching you all day rubbed warm circles against your back. Tilting your head up, you glanced over his face. Billy had always been beautiful, it was almost unnatural. You reached up and traced a finger down the length of his nose and over his lips. Wrapping a hand around your wrist he placed a kiss to your palm.

     “You’re beautiful,” He murmured soft and sweet. His words felt like a blanket covering you in warmth. Leaning in you let your lips trace his neck. Soft and gentle he rolled over your body and looked down at you. Shadows cast his face in a stunning light. These were the moments when he always seemed to come alive.

     “Are you going to kiss me or just stare at me Russo?” And he did, he kissed you with something indescribable. As his teeth sank into your bottom lip and his hand slipped into your shorts, you came to a realization. Billy Russo loved you. He spoke soft words against your neck as his fingers slid inside you. Arching your back you rolled your hips and chased a feeling. It was wrong. You were drunk and you didn’t love him. You didn’t really think you could ever love someone again. Closing your eyes, you tipped you head back and just gave into the feeling.

___________________________________________________

     “C’mon, it’ll be a blast. Just us girls and well James,” One of the nurses on staff pleaded. Glancing up you were met with her big brown eyes and sweet smile. It had been a long week. Casualties and victims of mass shootings had been rolling into the emergency room in droves. That didn’t bother you. You had been to war. What was bothersome was who the victims were. The Irish, the Mexicans, and the Dogs of Hell. Every time you stood over them trying to staunch the bleeding of a bullet wound you wondered if they had been the one who had ended your life, ended the lives of the Castle family. Worst of all, you didn’t feel bad when they died. You didn’t take their pain. You didn’t flinch as they choked on blood or screamed in agony.

     “I’m good Lena,” You murmured quietly. You were one of the few doctors who spent time with the nurses. The women and a few of the men had become quite fond of you. Because the number one rule of the medical field was and always would be to never underestimate the power of the nurses.

     “Please,” She pleaded, “You don’t have to drink or anything. Just come out with us, eat some greasy food and talk.” That was the last thing you wanted to do. That had been yours and Frank’s thing. It was reserved for particularly shitty nights. Shrugging your shoulder and standing you eyed the woman.

     “I am a sad drunk and I’m quiet,” You told her evenly, “I won’t be good company but I’ll go.”

     The bar was a dive. Walking up to the bar you smiled. The sourly woman seemed to recognize one of her own and gave you a nod.

     “What’ll it be ma’am ?” She asked you. Without hesitation you ordered a whiskey on the rocks and thought of Frank. The man loved his whiskey but occasionally Maria could actually convince him some girly beverage. The first time he had tried a strawberry daiquiri and wrinkled up his nose had been one of the best nights. The man had always indulged his wife. Once you received your drink you returned to your table and sat with the nurses. It was easy to observe them. Their problems so petty. One of them was having trouble with a boyfriend. Another was worried about having enough for rent.

     “You served overseas didn’t you?” James, the male nurse asked. Self-consciously you tucked your dog tags into your shirt and nodded.

     “Yes I served a little over ten years,” You told them cautiously, “Eight years with a single unit.” The memories of sand and blood were coming to the surface despite having been buried for so long.

     “Damn, was readjusting back to civilian life hard?” A grimace crossed your face and once more you nodded.

     “I’m naturally not the most friendly or outgoing of sorts. A bit introverted, but you know that. It took a long time before I was comfortable leaving my neighborhood. It took my goddaughter dragging-” The words stopped flowing out your mouth before you could catch them. It was rare for you to lose yourself like that. Lisa and Frank Jr. were not a subject you brought up freely. The therapist you had been seeing had to drag information about them out of you.

     “I didn’t know you had a goddaughter,” Lena stated surprised. Eyes falling to the table, you pictured Lena asking about boys and love. The details of your personal life you would never give up freely. For a grown woman she had a remarkably romanticize view of the world. You tried to picture the happy times.

     “She and her entire family were killed during the central park shooting between the gangs,” You stated simply, trying to make it clear that the subject was off limits. Everyone at the table had stopped talking and they were staring at you. Realization seemed to sink in that the criminals you had been patching up all week had been responsible for the murders of your family.

     “Were you there?” Lena exclaimed in horror. absent-mindedly you touched the scar near your collarbone, it was the only one that was near impossible to hide.

     “Yes,” You told them, “I was the only survivor,”

     “Jesus christ,”

     Saying goodbye to everyone, you made your way back to your house. Unlocking the front door, something was immediately wrong. The air smelled off, like blood. Slipping your hand into your purse you pulled your pistol out and clicked the safety off. There was already one in the chamber and you were more than ready to plug whoever was in your house full of holes. It could be a simple home intrusion or one of the gangs coming back to finish the job. The lights were in the living room were one and your heart fell into your stomach when you saw who was bleeding out on your couch. Frank castle lay bleeding on your pristine white furniture, eyes closed. Opening and closing your mouth, you tried to find something to say.

     “Hey little bird,” He called out the old nickname and you burst into tears.

     “You fucking dick!”

**Author's Note:**

> New series start! This one is going to be a long one.


End file.
